Italy is extremely democratic really. Just about anyone can become a politician here.
Indeed, in amongst the motley crew which inhabit, or have inhabited, Italy’s upper and lower houses of parliament you’ll find: former models, porn stars, cruise ship crooners, social networkers from Sicily, convicted criminals, family friends, etc. etc.
Imagine you want to obtain that most coveted of all full-time jobs in Italy: a politician – a job which comes with an unjustifiably high salary, a wonderfully generous expense package, an enormous number of perks, and to add the icing to the cake, a valuable pension. If the sound of such a job appeals, then you might well be asking yourself which qualities you need to land such a job and, in so doing, end up with a comfy seat in Italy’s cushy parliament.
Just in case you were thinking of applying, what follows is a list of ten qualities you should have. Qualities which seem to have proven very useful to quite a number of Italy’s current bunch of politicians.
On to the Top Ten List.
10 Skills You Need to become a Successful Politician in Italy
1. A winning smile and film star/model good looks.
2. Friendship with Sicilian social networking organisation (Extra points if the Sicilian or other networking connections you owe favours to can create votes).
3. Some experience of acting (Participants in Big Brother or X-Factor or both, and Oscar winners, will have a distinct advantage here).
4. The ability to sleep soundly at night (Obtain advice on this from current Italian politicians like Angelino – ‘little angel’ – Alfano and old Niccolo Ghedini).
Stop reading, start speaking
Stop translating in your head and start speaking Italian for real with the only audio course that prompt you to speak.
5. Sound creative accounting skills ( You could contact British politicians not named by the Telegraph for advice, and courses, on how to successfully fiddle expenses accounts) .
6. A lose and flexible political ideology (Swinging from left to right, and back again, helps enormously in Italian politics – Italian left-winger, and communist, Massimo D’Alema knows something about this – he even managed to get the support of commie hating Silvio Berlusconi recently (Did not do him much good though)).
7. An ego the size of the Milky Way (Possibly related to 4 above and 10 below).
8. A flexible, incoherent concept of honesty, and integrity for that matter (Definitely related to all of the above and what follows too).
9. Willingness to receive gifts and make donations (Sicilian social networking operatives will appreciate this skill).
10. Skin with the consistency of Teflon or another non-stick substance (A year round tan may indicate the use of Teflon-based or equivalent skin care products).
Come to think of it, these skills might help just about anyone become a politician in any country. Or am I just being cynical?
Feel free to add more ‘skills’.
Don’t worry about not being Italian – as long as you can string a few words together in the lingo, your nationality can be changed by certain networkers.
Oh, and for any Italian politicians who may end up reading this, which is a highly remote possibility, I know – this is what is called ‘satire’.
Let’s call this flippant Friday.