Italians are good people by and large. They have their faults, but then doesn’t everyone? Here’s a post which will help you understand Italian culture.
Generally in my experience, Italians are helpful, courteous, considerate and friendly – much more so once they know you. This certainly makes life in Italy a lot easier. Knowing Italian helps quite a lot too.
My young students at the business school; they are from 23 to 30+ years of age; treat me with great respect, which I like. This makes you feel like a valued human being, and this feeling makes day to day life easier. Little problems which arise can be overcome and things then go well.
I do like Italians in general, there is something about them which is difficult to put into words. It’s a sort of warmth which makes you feel comfortable – but this warmth is not always evident until you know an Italian quite well. This warmth often translates into physical closeness – at times, for an Englishman, this can be a little off-putting, even if it is not meant to be and it is very much an integral part of Italian culture.
Personal Space in Italian Culture
What newcomers to Italy, such as those from the US and the UK, may well notice is that in Italian culture, people stand much closer to one another when conversation. Italians, both men and women, may even touch you.
The standing closer to me thing was disconcerting for me at first. I suppose this may be down to good old English reserve and even now after many years in Italy I still find myself taking a step backwards on occasion. However, once you are used to it, you find that the closeness is nothing more than the way the people are. It’s a sort of intimacy, but without any other connotations. Do not get the wrong idea – the closeness is not indication of a sexual advance. Men in Italy stand close to men and women and vice versa.
Don’t Get the Wrong Idea, Guys!
On the subject of the fairer sex, Italian women will often touch you during a conversation even if they have only just met you. This intimacy does not mean anything, it’s just a sign of the warmth for which Italian culture is known, nothing more. Many non-Italian men experiencing this touching for the first time may well get the wrong impression, or at the very least become a little confused. I really could get myself into awful trouble by adopting Italian habits in the UK!
Men Kiss Men in Italy
As you may know, men kiss men here. Now, I don’t mean kisses on the lips or anything sexual, just a sort of peck on the cheek, or on both cheeks.
At first coming from the UK where men do not kiss men because it is not considered ‘manly’, I found the men kissing men thing really unusual. If a man were to kiss a man in the UK, people would think they are both probably gay. Here in Italy, it does not even raise an eyebrow. You will also see, from time to time, men walking arm in arm – this is not considered strange nor is it an indication of sexuality. Men holding hands, on the other hand, may well indicate their sexuality.
Personal Touches
Certain aspects of Italian culture such as the personal touches I really like, many of which seem to have all but disappeared in the UK.
For example, I frequent several bars where I have my ‘cafè lungo’ – a slightly longer shot of espresso coffee. Often I don’t even have to say anything and after a few moments a cup of coffee appears in front of me. This I like.
It may take a little time for people to get to know you in Italy, but once they do, they really do treat you very well.
There are still an awful lot of small family run businesses in Italy, and they survive by developing a good relationship with their customers, who in turn repay the compliment by returning again and again and, of course, keeping the business going.
I will admit that I, and others, have come across odd Italian service – in some shops you are made to feel as if you are an unwelcome guest at times. I am not sure whether this is because I stand out as a foreigner or not.
Another example of Italian courteousness is that of the three men who run a small garage where I park my car.
Now, I as think I have said elsewhere in this blog, I do not use my car very often and on a couple of occasions or so, I’ve turned the ignition key and nothing has happened. Flat battery. So, I wander into the garage looking a little forlorn and explain what has happened. The owner smiles to himself a little and asks another chap to give me a hand. Car starts and off I go. I do offer to pay for their help, but they won’t accept anything. I know this is a small thing, but it’s nice and makes you feel better about the quality of life.
Catholicism
Catholicism is very Italian – the Pope is on the news in Italy almost daily. It was my impression before I came to Italy that Italians were deeply religious people. However, as with most stereotypically based views, I was wrong. I do know quite a number of Italians who go to church, most are indeed catholic, but many, many people have little or no involvement with the church in Italy. Italy is not too different from the UK in this respect, or so I would say. However, having written this, the influence of the Roman Catholic Church on Italian culture is enormous.
Constitutionally, Italy has no state religion, in practice though, the state religion is Roman Catholicism. Well, the Roman Catholic Church does have its HQ in Rome.
It’s not all a bed of roses though. Here is a another post which talks about both the good and the not so good aspects of Italians: Italians – What’s Good, and What’s Not so Good
Further reading: I’d recommend The Italians by John Hooper
which I have read. Published in 2015 by a journalist who has spent many years in Italy, this book provides plenty of insight into the contemporary Italian psyche.
John says
I am from the Netherlands. Holland. You know: Amsterdam, tulips, dikes and good football. Although Spanish and Italian football is much better these days..
My question is: who is more important to Italian men; their pregnant partner or their mother?
Is my impression right that pregnancy in Italy is an affair of women and men just continue their daily life?
Alex Roe says
Ha! I’d say mum is even more important than a pregnant partner! Wait until after the baby arrives – Italian mother in-law interference may become, er, stressful.
As for the second question, the Italian men I know (but I don’t know that many!) were involved in the pregnancy process quite actively.
By the way, when my son was born, my Italian other half told me I should be happy because I know had an heir. Didn’t realise I was king of something or other!
Italian culture can be a little hard to come to terms with 😉
Best and congrats,
Alex
Riccardo Giorgi says
Yeah, I’m from Rome (ish) and I can tell you that in regards to Southern/Middle Italians this is very accurate. Don’t worry about the shopkeepers being cold though, they do that with everyone. I noticed it a lot when I travelled back after living for 6 years in Australia, where retail and customer service in general are considered very important; the service you get in places such as clothes shops and malls is very forgettable and blunt, I’m guessing because those people get paid very little to do their job and it is pretty much their only option.
Alex Roe says
Hi Riccardo,
“I’m guessing because those people get paid very little to do their job and it is pretty much their only option” – actually, I often feel I’m dealing with the owners! Supermarket staff tend to be more friendly! The offhand, disinterested service does not encourage repeat business or word of mouth recommendations…a very odd approach which I still find hard to explain even after many years in Italy.
Italians don’t really notice the odd service unless, like you, they’ve spent time in countries where shopkeepers tend to be more friendly.
Thanks for your comment.
Best,
Alex
Valebtina says
It’s not OK staring at people in Italy.. I’m Italian and I don’t like it at all… Curiosity is the main reason why some people stare at others. We have a long history of invasions and we have been a great crossroads of trades all along our history so if you wanted to know who you were talking to or who you were about to make your business with you needed to recognise people from the way they looked and talked.. and being very intuitive.. that’s why people still today retain this attitude.
Another important point in our culture is that all our emigrants (80%) are from the south and mostly are jobless and with a background of poverty and low education. Good people but in other countries like UK they would stay at home with benefits from the government. We don’t provide for benefits so.. they go! And this is the image that we project around the world. Unlike the British (only the rich travel and live abroad) our most educated people stay at home and rarely they expatriate. So you see the best of British culture and the “worst” of the Italian.. but in Italy when you are rich life is so pleasant that is perfectly understandable why no one think about leaving!!!
Sorry for my broken English ☺
globalnomad247 says
Interesting.
I’d like to add the “staring” culture as well.
Unlike Canada and UK, it is okay to stare at people in Italy.
When I get there first time, people stared at me, and I often felt like “Did I do something wrong here ? Why do people stare at me ?”. When I notice one old man staring at me, I often thought he is such a rude man.
Later on, I fould out Italians staring at each other, and if they have time to do so, they will do for their entire life. It was very interesting.
M Joudat says
loved the article
i am moving to Rome – Italy due to family reasons
i will reach there before them in 9 months , so basically its my first time there
any tips? how to find and where to find people my age(im 23 Male)
how easy or difficult life will be?
your help would be appreciated thank you
Fenny says
a very nice article about Italians, and it sounds the people are really helpfully. i would love to visit Italy 😀 I guess as Italy most countries, have very positive things and some turn downs.
Alex Roe says
Italians are helpful, generally, and generous too as I and as Italy Chronicles contributors Jenny M Want and David Wineman know very well.
All people in all nations have good and bad points.
Hopefully you will make it to Italy one day.
Cheers,
Alex