Here’s a look at the heart of Italian culture – Italians and what this Englishman in Milan likes and doesn’t like about the people of Italy.
What I love about Italians:
They are friendly, hospitable, generous, intelligent, good humoured, gentle, well-dressed, tasteful, and family oriented. And they don’t get drunk and vulgar. There are also many other positive characteristics too.
What I don’t like about Italians:
Only one thing really, and that is they, not all, but many, lack consideration for anyone who is not a direct friend, contact or family. Here are some common everyday examples of this:
- When driving: Not slowing down at pedestrian crossings. Driving too fast and not anticipating potential problems. Parking on sidewalks/pavements and not thinking about the elderly or young mothers with strollers/pushchairs.
- Impatience – using the horn when someone hesitates at the traffic lights or at a stop sign for a few nanoseconds.
- When strolling: Walking three abreast on narrow sidewalks/pavements, and not moving over for other pedestrians.
- With dogs: Letting their dogs foul the sidewalks/pavements and not cleaning up the mess.
- Queuing: Not standing one behind the other. Pushing in front or pushing into others.
- When speaking: Talking over the top of others without letting them finish. Talking loudly, and almost shouting to each other when in groups – this is related to one person not letting another finish talking before starting to speak. (This is something which people from the US and UK find unusual and rather impolite, incidentally)
- On public transport: Pushing and shoving.
- Young people on public transport: Not getting up and offering seats to elderly people, mothers with young children, or pregnant women.
Indeed, I put many of Italy’s problems down to this odd lack of respect for other people. And this aspect of Italian culture surprises me seeing as Italy is the headquarters of the Roman Catholic Church.
I hope I don’t offend any of my Italian readers with this post, and I would stress that not all Italians are inconsiderate. And maybe one or two other non-Italian readers would like to confirm or deny what I have written, which is purely the product of my own observations – after 20 years in Italy – and my English sensibilities.
You might also like to take a look at an older post I wrote way back in 2005 when Blog from Italy, now Italy Chronicles, first saw the light of the world wide web: The People
Further reading: For more insight into Italian culture, I’d recommend The Italians by John Hooper which I have read. Published in 2015, The Italians was written by a journalist who has spent many years in Italy.
Emy says
Hello there, I am Italian and lived several years in the U.K. I confirm what the negative aspects of the Italian behaviour are. There’s a lack of respect for queueing, giving away your seat to elders or pregnant ladies (even though I saw English not doing it neither sometimes). By the way in England there are written reminders everywhere about how to behave (mind the gap, keep right, seat to elders/pregn/etc, clean your hands ? don’t throw the baby in the bin ? and so on), so I wonder whether Italians would behave differently all these rules being written down and clearly displayed.
Some are closed and not opened to other cultures… basically like many English are… so you want to talk about french? It’s 5 years I have been trying to survive the french cultural shock but that’s anothe story. I find that Italian and English cultures are different but compatible and that still Italians have to learn about your wonderful sense of respect for other people, the great civic sense that you have.
Yes we talk louder. In regards to dog’s poo… some collect it (north and south), some don’t (north and south). Here in France for example it’s rare that people do (isn’t that even more north?!)
We have something in common though. Our attitude towards politics: we have a tendance to accept even the most non sense or disastrous decision taken by the government. Here in France they would have set the all country on fire (at least something positive).
The way Italians drive made me sick of driving any car and, when I go back home and I have to drive, I turn into an aggressive monster.
North Italians are less welcoming that south Italians but here we go again… I found some very lovely and welcoming people in veneto and Lombardia. Probably the only real difference is that in the south they are slightly louder when they talk and have a disrespect for rules. Not in a mean attitude or in order to hurt someone.. they just think rules are a mere and often unecessary option (I am from the south and LOVE it).
AG says
My experience: I’ve spent living for 2 years in Calabria and now in Piemonte but they are equally the same Italians who talk too much in higher tone and always never give a chance for other people to talk. I’ve talked too many times for older people that Italian are the only great, beautiful and hardworking people around the world, they do not accept other culture. They have a close mind and thinking. They tell that Italian have good etiquette and the other countries are not. But you will see them talking while the mouth is full or not saying please when they want someting in the table while eating, they just grab it from end to end. For the younger generation well 40 for them are still young 🙂 , they are still living with their mother and let their mother choose their clothes, food and of course the girl for them. The sum of it all. Mostly Italian that i’ve meet while im still travelling are different from the italian people who stay and live for life in Italy. They are more educated and free thinking. The Italians who got to see the world and experience life beside in Italy are th one who are not judgemental and open for new information.
Teresina says
We are loud. And we don’t think anger should be controlled. So many of us let fly with that….and expect everyone to understand. Those from other cultures don’t understand always.
I was born in Australia and it wasn’t until I was around thirty that I understood to control my temper…
Ah well….LOL
frank says
Hi Alex, bring from south Italy I having been to the north several times, I can say that southerners are a people of extremes. At first they are colder and much more standoffish than northerners, but once they get to know you, you are family for life. Also disrespect = you’re officially done with as a friend.. South Italians don’t really forgive much. We have a name here called “sgarro”. And no, it doesn’t just apply to mafia. Of course there are variations of Southern Italians as well calabria and Apulians are generally skeptic of outsiders.
Alex Roe says
Hi Frank – it’s not only southerners. Northerners can be similar. When they don’t know you, you don’t really exist. Once they do know you, they, as you say, treat you like family.
As for the disrespect thing – don’t have any real experience of that (luckily) but I’d agree that Italians tend to hold grudges for a very long time and may pass them down from one generation to the next!
Will look up “sgarro”. Italians are distrustful people by nature – until they know you but even then, they don’t like you talking about their business to others – even other people they may well know! Have got myself into a little trouble on this front from time to time!
Isn’t culture fascinating? 🙂
Best,
Alex
Liz says
Hello to everyone! I am very glad to have found this thread about Italian culture. I currently have a High School foreign exchange student living with my family (5 of us) , and we are having a really tough time with him. We have been experiencing him as so rude as to be almost intolerable!
There is the staring which was described in an earlier post and makes us very uncomfortable, and the attitude of “me me me”, which comes across as bragging. We find him to be a poor listener, and in conversation, it is clear that he does not want to consider any ideas other than his own and will only hear us if we agree with him.
He claims that at 18 he is considered an equal to his elders and can speak with them any way he wants (which doesn’t go over well with me, his host mother, who expects respect). I have been rationalizing this as poor parenting from home, but this chat is maybe changing my mind. The problem still exists as to how to get past this behavior when time and again we are put in a position where we feel disrespected. I have had honest conversations with him several times letting him know that his behavior is offending us, but he doesn’t seem to understand it. If anyone has any advice to give, I would appreciate it as so far he has only brought tension into the house.
Giulia says
Well Liz, he is a teenager and that usually means a certain degree of “tension”, plus by the way you describe him he sounds very rude.
I would not put all Italians in the rude “basket” just because of him
Mathia Porrus says
Funny. The very young British civilization has a LOT of problems, like the rapings of little white girls all across Britistan, in South London muslims are beating up little gay british all day long. And they came to Italy to observe and write the problems with italian culture. It’s just funny.
Alex Roe says
“The very young British civilization”?! Britain has been united for far longer than Italy. Are you a teenager, or younger? Sounds a little like it. Got any facts to back up your curious claims. Kind of doubt it. Didn’t come to Italy to observe Italian culture, kind of happened. Sort of thing which happens when one moves from one to another country…unless one is a teenager, perhaps 😉 Funny, indeed you are.
Best,
Alex
Rachel says
I also send you my apologies as I realize you were only trying to enlighten the world. Again, maybe use the discussion element to learn something new vs continue to maintain you’re right. 🙂
Alex Roe says
Don’t remember saying I’m right or wrong, Rachel, and seeing as you appear to have missed it, I’ll repeat this once more: “And maybe one or two other non-Italian readers would like to confirm or deny what I have written, which is purely the product of my own observations and my English sensibilities.”
I’ve lived and worked in Italy for many years. I’ve worked with Italians from all over Italy, (I taught English at a major business school for over 10 years) and am still teaching English to Italians from all over Italy. And you’ll find around 2,500 articles on Italy on this blog/magazine stroke whatever, so I know a little about Italy but not everything, I admit. I have also travelled widely in Italy and I listen to what others say – Italians and non-Italians alike.
It wasn’t meant to be an in depth piece (there are no references) and is pure blogger style, I don’t think I’ve made any attempt to hide this. As has happened, I did want to see whether others agreed with me or not. Seems some do, and some do not – interestingly, some of those who do agree are Italians.
The way I framed the article, whether you agree with it or not, has worked 🙂 It provoked discussion as I hoped it might. Seems to have got you thinking too 😉
Best,
Alex
PS Talking of writing skills – please discover the joy of paragraphs – which I’ve added for you 🙂
Rachel says
Yes, of course, all people are entitled of their opinion. That’s not the issue here.. The issue is the way you wrote it. You framed it up as a factual piece of the country’s culture. It’s not.
On the one hand you say it’s just your opinion and you’re entitled to free speech but on the other hand you compare yourself to business books that exist to help other people understand cultures for better business purposes. Have you ever read any of those? I have. They are valuable. I even took a full course at University on it, so I’ve read many (but I am NOT an expert). But what I can say is that those writers really study the culture and do real research before they publish a word.
If you choose not to take that angle and instead be more of a blogger who simply writes a personal opinion, you should make that super clear and again, you should never generalize any group of people, unless you do the leg work and study that group. Even living in Milan for 10 years doesn’t make anyone an expert. I have many friends who have lived in Manhattan for 10+ years, call themselves NY’ers and think they understand NY’ers. They don’t. At all. Not even a little bit.
What their understanding encompasses, instead, is window of the people who live in Manhattan. The “current” NY’ers, if you will, versus the “real” NY’ers. These “current” people, just like in Milan or any large city, come from all over the world. They create a “city culture” which surely is not a fair representation of the people really from that city. Again, you will never understand the real people from a large city unless you are one, or unless you really study them.
Simply being around them, even for 10+ years, doesn’t make you an expert (is EVERY person who surrounds you in Milan over your time there from Milan? With family also from Milan? If so, then ok, you can say 10 years around them makes you very well schooled.. But I would guess that’s not the case).
In judging the country of Italy based on that mix of Italians around you in Milan, you have to think about who those people are.. Do you really think the way they interact in their new city teaches you all the values/cultural differences they brought with them from their home city? Truly you’d need to go back to their home cities to meet more people before you can really understand those cities. Even me.. I may actually be from NY but the way I interact with people when I’m in Manhattan is different than when outside. Inside the city I am usually running around on limited time and might even been seen as a rude NY’er.. But if you stopped me for directions (or any NY’er), you’d find that I’m actually quite kind.
The point is, it’s never fair to generalize anything unless you realize all the complications. Maybe you should reframe your post by saying you have a certain impression of Italians based on the people you’ve come across and you’d love others’ opinions.. versus you came across many Italians over many years and think your personal opinions are worthy enough that people should accept them as fact and should keep them all in mind when understanding how to interact in business meetings.
I’m glad for you that your post gets traffic.. But you have to wonder why. The title does suppose that you are about to give real (good) opinions.. So I can understand why people would click to read the article (as I had).. But after that, you have to wonder if they are reading the content because they think the content is good or if they are reading because they think they it was poorly written and they will learn more from the comments.
I almost never read comments but I was so flabbergasted by your judgement of an entire culture that I felt compelled to read every comment as I imagined people would have strong opinions. I also never write comments. If I can give you one compliment it’s that you certainly did a good job in starting a discussion (ultimately this is what every writer hopes for).. But to sit back and continue your rants about how you’re right (as the first Giovanna mentioned) pulls you right out of that discussion that every other writer wishes for.. If you learned anything from creating this discussion, I hope you learned you have an opportunity to learn more about the world.. And so you should go back out into that world and take a deeper look at the people you think you know so well, and then maybe write new thoughts one day. 🙂
Best,
Rachel
Rachel says
I agree with Andrea who said you should NEVER say what’s good and what’s not good about a culture. Aside from the fact that’s it’s just rude, unless you have studied the entire country and all the many various cultures, you shouldn’t really comment. Living in Milan and going to Genova often hardly gives you permission to frame something up as “all Italians are like this.” I understand there are many people from all over Italy who move to the big cities, but that doesn’t mean you understand the cities they came from. It’s the same as living in Paris and stopping in Reims occasionally or some other nearby city and then saying you understand all the French because you have a friend in Paris from Avignon so you can judge all of Provence now. To be honest, the most awful treatment I ever received from strangers happened to be in London. I’ve never explored any of England at all, so you can bet I’d never go around saying the English are rude based one the one city I know. With regards to someone’s comments about New York Italians, it’s true, NY was certainly built by many Italian hands but you can’t say NY’ers are rude because of that blood. NY’ers are rude bc it’s a large city and in the hustle sometimes it’s just not efficient to be polite all the time. It sounds ridiculous but if you are from NY you would understand. Step a little further outside the city and you’ll see it’s not like that in all of NY. That said, some things did trickle down for some “real” NY’ers (particularly those with heavy Italian blood) such as the touching. Unlike you, I actually think it’s a sign of warmth and more people should touch. If you google it a bit you’ll see that many people have actually advised you should do it, as it’s an effective communication tool… It often comes up in lists such as “how to win people over.” And finally, please don’t say what Americans think. I don’t care if you asked 50 of your American friends their opinion.. You’re not American and can’t possibly generalize all of Americans and their opinions.
I’m a born and raised NY’er with Italian heritiage. I’ve lived in Milan and Sicily and have traveled all over Italy.
Thank you.
Alex Roe says
Well, I beg to differ on the never say what’s good and not so good about culture (and I’d be perfectly happy to read what Italians make of us Brits – though Italians often make this clear, albeit rather indirectly) – as you’ve worked out! Everyone is entitled to their opinions and observations and can agree or disagree which is fine by me. Indeed, that’s, in part, why I wrote this piece.
It’s true that I cannot understand all Italians though after ten years in Italy (at the time I wrote this), I’d say I’d had enough time to gauge the people. Many others are curious to know what people from different countries are like (this post does get plenty of traffic), so such observations may prove useful to some.
If nothing else, observations likes these can help others understand how the cultural landscape lies and this, in turn, can help people from other cultures avoid certain problems or understand why the people are the way they are. Business people will tell you that understanding culture can make a difference to pulling off a deal or not as an Italian I know who offers advice on this very subject well knows.
Note too this caveat: “And maybe one or two other non-Italian readers would like to confirm or deny what I have written, which is purely the product of my own observations and my English sensibilities.”
Best,
Alex.
PS I wouldn’t comment on Parisians or on Americans seeing as I’ve never spent a great amount of time in Paris nor in America.
Marco says
Well… I see lots of generalizations here…
Italy really has too many cultures and different attitudes living together, so saying “Italians are like that” or “Italians do like this” doesn’t look so smart to me… We probably are one of the most miscellaneous nations in the world, and of course much more than any other northern country.
It’s true, some drivers do not respect rules at all, but many others do. And anyway I have to say that Italian drivers are much more tolerant than any other driver in Europe. Most of us just know how to deal with traffic even in the rush hour and I have to say that we’re pretty good comparing to the endless cues I saw every single night in London…
In Italy you can find lots of polite people and lots of rude people too… both in the south and in the north…
and honestly during the months I spent in London I saw lots and lots of rude people, when I drove, at the supermarket, etc. Never in all my life (and I’m 48…) I saw people screaming so loudly in the street, in the middle of the night, as those I saw in London… Not to mention the party some people organized just “upstairs” the flat we lived in… Not to mention that once I was in Florence and I heard somebody screaming through the window of the hotel and he was British or American…
So, I just think that generalizing shows a lack of real knowledge and of common sense, especially when we talk about such a great country like Italy… 🙂
Sorry for my English and long live the Queen, since I love UK too… 🙂
Giovanna says
I’m Italian and I’m not offended by this article. First of all, although I’m Italian I’m more British than Italian in mentality. I appreciate you make clear not all of us have the habits you’ve written, Milan doesn’t represent Italy at all though. It’s a cosmopolitan city, and most Italian inhabitants in Milan aren’t northern Italians but southern Italian immigrants and their sons-Turin and Bologna are the same-I’m not saying that all northern Italians don’t act that way, don’t get me wrong, we aren’t loud at all and we don’t use the horn when driving though.
I’m a northern Italian, I can say for sure that Milan is something different, where I live in the north people clean up their dogshit, we don’t drive like British, however we tend to respect law, stopping at red light, slowing down at pedestrian crossing (ok…80% of us do it…some don’t…), many young people offer seats to eldery people or pregnant women.
The queue thing is always an issue, to me…I do respect it, most Italian don’t. When I start a queue it’s my habit to count people in front of me, otherwise there is always a person who thinks to be smarter than us, without respect for queue.
Although I’m not British, I’m not different by you…I agree with Andy’s comment about personal space at supermarket. I really like to respect someone else’s space.
The thing is, in Italy you’re allowed to do anything you want. My region is very civil, I mean, people wear a helmet while riding a scooter, we don’t stare at strangers in the streets, men don’t scream at girls, they’re reserved and well-mannered. Life isn’t that bad.
Alper says
I can understand why a westerner might feel these are odd but as a fellow turkish man it sounded me as you were describing my own country :D. Everthing is exactly the same. We are hospitable, talkative and even though it is not as intense as some italians, family oriented. But I get your struggle really. In Turkey you always have the risk to step on dog poop so you have to watch out. People tend to be really aggressive on traffic that some people might honk at you due to the fact that you stopped at red light(ps not exaggeration) In Turkey people tend to give seats to old people or pregnant ladies but due to some people abusing these power you can see tons of turkish guys and girls who are pretending to sleep or study 🙂 I am 19 years old and even though I am ashamed of doing it I have done this myself many times.however there are big differences between the west and the east of Turkey and this is probably the situation in Italy too.(only it being north and south) Personally I like southern culture so much
Matte says
Hi Alex, your list is really interesting and, in part, absolutely true.
But there are a lot of differences from north and south people in Italy, and differences between polite and rude italians (not in a racist way).
This is a list of general differences that probably you can’t completly understand or have seen, since you’re english, hope you can find it helpfull:
1 north italian are less louder than south italian, and this is a well known fact if you’re from Italy.
2 at north, man DON’T kiss men cheeks, only girls cheeks. Men kiss men cheeks tradition is tipically from south.
3 we don’t touch each other when speaking, unless we are drunk (and we are drunk pretty often)
4 at north we are loud only when we are drunk (often)
5 people are really cold and reserved, especially in Turin and we don’t mince words, sometimes we’re rude.
6 generally south people are friendlier
7 italian people drive really bad everywhere, but especially in Napoli.
Sorry for bad english (ehehe classic italians problem)
Ciao says
I am Italian and your post doesn’t offend me, but 80% of your one isn’t about us northerns. We northern Italians aren’t loud, and the north and the south have different cultures, way of thinking and acting.
If you have met someone you described in the north, well you met a southern immigrant that live here to work.
I am not offended but I would like foreigners know that Italy is a multicultural country. And that in the north people drive in another way, and clean the poo of their dogs, etcetera etcetera.
If you listen to napolitan or songs like o sole mio in the north, it is just because the foreigners ask to sing these songs especially to gondoliers, or the immigrants living in Italy play them, but they aren’t part of our culture.
Alex Roe says
Hi Ciao,
I live in the north. Northern Italians are loud. And, at least here in Milan, not everyone cleans up dog poo! I could provide you with lots of photos as evidence.
As for the differences between northern Italian and southern Italian cultures, yes, they exist, but so do many similarities.
Cheers,
Alex
DC says
Have to agree with Alex on this. Calling a spade a spade!
Giovanna says
I’m sorry, but you’re wrong, northern Italians aren’t loud and as I’ve written in my comment, Milan doesn’t represent us. If you keep saying northern Italians are loud, you don’t know us. Non capisco questo intestardirti a definirci urlatori quando non lo siamo, come sono del tutto falsi i commenti di chi dice che gli uomini e le donne settentrionali tradiscono il marito e la moglie con uomini e donne del sud Italia, MENZOGNA totale. Se noi fossimo davvero un gruppo di urlatori lo ammetterei, ma tu non vuoi assolutamente cambiare opinione. Ed anche DC ha torto. We aren’t loud and I rarely meet somebody who talks over others, get over it. Vi auguro una buona giornata.
Anna says
You’re clearly argumentative. Arguments = higher voices = the perception of loudness. You may think you’re not loud, but you are.
Alex Roe says
And your point is, Anna??
Alex
Marco says
…moreover most women from north love cheating their husbands with men from south because they are better lovers. 80% of husbands from north has been cheated at least one time having their wives picked up by a southern guy.
Andrea Maresca says
The talking over each other and being generally loud people is a typical trait which not just the majority of Italians have but many Europeans and South Americans have. It’s a beautiful thing because it’s something that distinguishes them, they are not being rude to each other or disrespectful because of this, they are talkative and energetic people. Gesture, tone, body language are all important things when communicating with Italians. Just because their communication is different to that of people from the UK or US does not mean that they should be labelled as “bad”.
I personally find English people generally very cold, distant and discriminate other countries including Italians due to differences in culture, language and communication.
It’s beautiful to find talkative warm people that are family oriented, they have very big personalities which is a reason for many of their traits. I myself can say this as I am of Italian ancestry and know this. I would certainly prefer to have a passionate conversation with someone in one of the most beautiful exotic romantic languages in the world, it’s interesting and simply beautiful.
Italians and the English or people from the US have generally very different cultures, very different personalities and are simply different. Therefore, do not EVER state “What’s good and not so good” about their communication as it’s ignorant and it’s a failure to understand and accept their culture and discrimination.
Alex Roe says
Andrea, I’m afraid I have to disagree with you on the talking over the top of others thing, at least in part. Sometimes it is down to the natural ebullience and warmth of Italians – in restaurants, for example, but other times it is just an indicator of ‘me, me, me’ Italian individualism. I’ve seen this many times on political chat shows in Italy. Both sides speak over the top of one another until they start shouting. The exchange becomes destructive and not constructive and just plain rude.
I did not say this aspect of Italian way of communicating is bad, I just said it’s not something I like.
As for us Brits appearing cold, we may come across that way and are a little because we are more reserved (like some Sardinians, I’ve met, actually) – we loosen up after a few drinks, generally!
Regarding not writing about “What’s good and not so good”, doing so helps people understand the cultures of others.
Read the other comments on this post and you will find people, including Italians, do agree with my observations. It’s far from ignorance and more of an attempt to understand the differences.
Italians are warm and family oriented – maybe a little too much so, but Britons tend to go too far in the opposite direction which is not good. This is something I’ve noted after being in Italy for many years.
Pointing out faults as others see them is not discriminatory at all – it’s helping us understand each other’s cultures and that can improve communications on both sides.
By they way, I have Italian ancestry too, though I grew up in a very English family.
Best,
Alex
Ciao says
Quote: ”Italians and the English or people from the US have generally very different cultures, very different personalities and are simply different.”
My reply: you say this thing because you don’t live here. Italy doesn’t have a culture but 20 cultures and people from Trentino doesn’t have the same culture and attitude of people from Sicily for instance.
Same goes for all 20 regions.
Caroline says
Note to all Italians:
Despite the bad economy, despite what other European nations say ye ol’ Italia, don’t forget that there are many in this world who deeply admire and love Italian culture and people. I know because I’m one of them! Chin up. Italy! There are better times ahead.
Baci from Kentucky, USA
Italian says
I think what you’ve actually described are New Yorkers. 🙂 Just remember not all American cultures are the same. Some of these things apply to Italians, but I wonder if part of it relates to city culture where you have been.
DC says
Most of New York Italian! Enough said.
Giuseppe says
I’m Italian (from Udine) and I think Alex is absolutely right: in fact, our main characteristic is a strong individualism, derived from our history. It explain every part of our character, our history, our politics, our economy, our beautiful things and our bad things. If a foreigner wants to understand us, he has to remember this thing very well.
Obviously, I’d like we could learn by other nations, especially from Northern Europe, a (big) bit of civism (in my region, that is close to Austria and Germany, we have learnt something), but I think that we could teach other people a lot of things, like our creativity and our ability to survive in terrible situations.
Best wishes to Alex!
ReneS says
What I don’t like about the Italians is that they are always late and say 100 times “andiamo” before we really go… But they are adorable…
Monia says
So true..I really hope that can be an helpfull advice for tourists but especially for us italians!
It is time to change in a “polite” country even if these examples above are our characteristics and probabily part of our culture..
Saluti,
Monia
Ciao says
I am always on time, believe it or not…why do you generalize…-.-”
Alex Roe says
Generalize? Nope, not generalizing at all! I’ve been in Italy for nearly 20 years and can confirm that Italians are not all that punctual! There are always a few exceptions to the rule though – you must be one!
Best,
Alex
Darren Steven says
My girlfriend is visiting her uncle in Florence, every time she goes for a walk or shopping several guys disturb her stopping and talking to her, stalking her, she is so disturbed she wants to come back as soon as possible, at one point there were 4 guys around her would let her go till she gave her number, she told them politely that she has a boyfriend and to leave her in peace, they wouldn’t she started screaming so loud the 3 of them ran away one stayed and kept on hassling her until she saw a police man who heard her screams and came to her aid.
Is this normal in a beautiful tourist country?
Alex Roe says
Those aspiring Latin lovers can be a pain in the butt – have heard a few stories myself in my time here. Generally, they are annoying but relatively harmless though as your girlfriend well knows, their persistence made her feel threatened. Having to make enough fuss that the police intervene is not good. If possible, ensure your girlfriend always goes out with friends especially after the ‘police’ incident. She should avoid going out alone late at night too or maybe she could use a taxi.
Best,
Alex
Jolievoila says
An old post, but just wanted to say that you gotta get loud and pushy right back. Must be extremely assertive to get them to back off. If a woman is subtle, they maynot take her serious.
Speaking from personal experience, lol. Im from the U.S., and was raised to be polite as well. Being loud and very assertive works!
Giovanna says
I’m Italian and I’m ALWAYS on time. It’s impossible you know ALL Italians, and I’m not a rarity. I hate people always late.
Antonio Fiorentino says
I was born in Asmara Eritrea, when it was still nominally an Italian colony but under British administration as a UN trusteeship.
Alex says
Antonio
Nice to hear from you once more. In answer to your question, although I have mainly lived in Milan, I also go to Genova quite often, and I have visited other parts of Italy, so my impressions derive from my experiences in Italy.
I would not say you are all doomed! By no means. I think a little education would help, that is ‘educazione’ in the Italian sense – I think you will know what I mean.
Anche io spero, fortemente, che come vada scritto nelle parole della canzone: “Qualcosa succedera’ per VOI”!
Incidentally, which colony do you hail from? Sorry, I’m naturally curious.
Kind regards,
Alex
Antonio Fiorentino says
Alex
Did you pick up these impressions in Milan? If so, then the lot of them is doomed. Or should I say: we are all doomed – because I too am an Italian citizen. I was lucky to be born in the colonies and to escape to a British education and then to an American education. But we must not give up. Like the song says: “Qualcosa succedera’ per noi”
Alex says
Si, Tasti, certo che si puo anche commentare in Italiano, anche se mio Italiano scritto non è niente di fantastico!
“I nostri pregi sono anche i nostri difetti, e questo nell’Italia del Sud significa…. grandi pregi, grandi difetti!”
– Questo detto è qualcosa che ho già sentito….. Non so se sono d’accordo.
“Non lo so, forse, ma anche meno soli nel sud d’Italia, più ospitale del nord, e i pericoli temo siano in tutto il mondo…credo di poter dire che le mafie del sud lasciano in pace turisti e ospiti stranieri…”
– questo mi pare che sia vero – quelli nel sud sono molto ospitale – lo so perché ho diversi amici dal sud, e sono simpaticissimi, senza alcun dubbio. E’ anche vero che le mafie lasciano stare turisti e ospiti stranieri, almeno che non fanno troppe domande!
Grazie per aver visitato mio blog, Tasti.
Tanti saluti,
Alex
tasti says
Posso commentare in italiano, vero?
Mi sono divertita leggendovi, ma avete ragione su tutto!
I nostri pregi sono anche i nostri difetti, e questo nell’Italia del Sud significa…. grandi pregi, grandi difetti!
Dangerous in the south of Italia?….
Non lo so, forse, ma anche meno soli nel sud d’Italia, più ospitale del nord, e i pericoli temo siano in tutto il mondo…credo di poter dire che le mafie del sud lasciano in pace turisti e ospiti stranieri…
E…. ovviamente…. vi abbraccio tutti!
Alex says
Hi Tinodibacco,
You aren’t Corpodibacco’s brother are you? 😉
Interesting to hear about staring being potentially offensive/dangerous (!) down in the south of Italy. Must mean that this staring thing is more of a northern Italian feature, I suppose.
Kind regards,
Alex
TinodiBacco says
Very interesting to know this kind of things for us! Expecially about staring. But let me say that is not so inoffensive in the southern Italy, it could be dangerous.
🙂
Alex says
Andy,
Glad you agree, and it is not just me. In fact today an Italian student of mine agreed that my observations were accurate.
Your comment regarding personal space is true too, and I’ve noticed this. I don’t think it is a negative aspect of the Italian character, because they are much warmer than Brits and social touching is commonplace here. You just have to get used to it. I have, almost, but I do find myself moving backwards sometimes, if there is space(!), when in conversation with Italians.
Yes, I agree about the shoving in supermarkets – elderly people are particularly annoying in this respect sometimes, I have found. But they do not feel as though they are doing anything wrong. You have to get used to it, I’m afraid.
Ah, staring. Yes, I know all about this. They literally look you up and down – something that would get you in a fight in some pubs back in the UK! It’s a very Italian thing that is very disconcerting for Brits, and others – and this is not helped by the often times scathing expressions! It was very odd for me at first, but I just ignore it now. And I think that I dress in a semi-Italian way now, so I just merge into the crowd, which helps.
On balance, the staring thing is disconcerting, but inoffensive, so it is best to let it wash over you and get used to it.
I see you’re discovering the ‘real’ Italy!
All the best,
Alex
Maria Consuelo says
Hello,
my name is Maria Consuelo Bettinelli.
I have been married to a British Navy Officer for 24 years.
Just, please just imagine the difference between the two of us.
We have two childrens, Kenneth and Helen now 23 and 21 yo.
I think that my VERY Italian personality combined VERY well with my husband’s personality.
I am a macromolecular chemist while he is a Naval Engineer.
My husband needs my cheerfulness and I need his formal self-control.
I am in no position to say that our marriage has been idyllic. For example I detest his music ( heavy metal)
and he cannot listen to classical music. He doesn’t eat any italian pasta dish and I eat fish and chips only under duress.
Anyway, our children are bilingual. We accept each other. Oh by the way, even our three dogs are bilingual.
I hope my experience sounds funny.
Consuelo
Alex says
Ali,
Italians are very hospitable, this is true. But, as you have found, they assume that non-Italians know the etiquette. This can, as you have found, lead to slight problems!
All the best,
Alex
Andy says
Agree with everything. I would add two more things a) no recognition of personal space (related to the pushing and shoving), particularly in a supermarket queue where it seems it is imperative to stand so close to the person in front that, if you were turn your head you would headbutt them and b) staring – I mean look at you and continue to look at you and on and on. This is quite disconcerting for us Brits, as you probably know.
Ali says
At the time I was studing in University in Italy, I was in an Italian family’s house one day to take a book from a friend of mine, Luca. In the kitchen, Luca’s mother was telling Luca to not make any plans for Friday night because some friends and relatives will come to their house for dinner. I took a book and left. Friday night I was alone at home watching TV when Luca knocked on the door and asked me why I was still at home while all of his friends and relatives were waiting for me at the dinner table? I told him nobody invited me? Luca told me: You don’t need an invitation. When My mother told me about the dinner in front of you that means you have to be at the table too.