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What if Italy’s Governments were Computer Operating Systems?

Just for fun, let’s compare Italy’s governments to computer operating systems. Which operating systems do you think the hotchpotch of Italian governments since 1995 could be compared to?

Here’s an attempt to answer that very question.

I’m sure you cannot wait to find out which computer operating system Silvio Berlusconi’s government ran. Actually, the Berlusconi operating system and its extensively corrupt system files are still well and truly in place today.

Info on the GOS, Italy’s latest system update can be found here.

For your entertainment, and take a deep breath – there have been quite a few operating systems in Italy since 1995 – here goes:

The BOS – Berlusconi Operating System

Silvio Berlusconi has used the Berlusconi Operating System to run Italy badly four times, no less.

He first ruled the Boot from May 1994 to January 1995 using BOS version 0.1 (Beta). Then, after a system crash instigated by the infamous Northern League Bossi virus, Berlusconi bounced back to rule Italy’s roost with BOS v. 1.01 from June 2001 until April 2005.

Using BOS v. 1.02, sys admin Berlusconi got another shot on Italy’s hard disk from April 2005 to May 2006 and then came back to run the show from May 2008 to November 2011 with the fatally flawed BOS v. 1.025 which also used immature Ruby Off Rails open source web framework. Ruby Off Rails, boosted with the Bunga Bunga plugin, was installed primarily for Berlusconi’s own personal pleasure.

What is the Berlusconi Operating System (BOS)? A fundamentally corrupt, downgraded, pirated version of the 1959 SHARE Operating System. The BOS, aside from suffering extensive system file corruption issues and partitioning problems and requiring regular reformatting, was affected by the combined effects of mafia-malware, judicial-spyware, multiple bugs and various vicious viruses.

Buggy viruses were introduced by commie computer expert magistrate system admins who repeatedly attempted to crash the BOS and bugged the BOS system admin enormously too.

The BOS crashed for what was hoped to be the last time in November 2011 but ageing system admin Berlusconi believes he has the technology to rebuild his old operating system. Enter BOS v. 1.03 which is based on an illicit copy of the Sinclair Basic operating system used in ZX80s. It is said to be in Beta and this “new” operating system may be known as the Forza Italia Operating System or FIBOS for short.

It has been alleged that the original and subsequent versions of the BOS were compiled with the assistance of Mafia Operating System MAFOS programmers ably coordinated by one convict Marcello Dell’Utri. The MAFOS is thought to be little more than a parasitic virus designed to insert as many corrupt system files as it possibly can.

The DOS – Dini Operating System

After the first BOS system crash in 1995, Lamberto Dini, if anyone can still remember him, ran Italy from January 1995 until a operating system crash on May 1996 ended his installation. For his brief reign at Italy’s helm, Dini employed the obscure Dini Operating System.

The short lived Dini Operating System (DOS), as one might expect, was a mildly corrupted version of a pirated copy of Microsoft DOS.

Long after the DOS crashed and burned, Dini hacked away in dark, dank corners of Italy’s senate until March 2013 before retiring on a nice fat state pension.

After Dini’s DOS came Prodi’s POS.

Prodi Operating System (POS)

Romano Prodi, using the Prodi Operating System (POS), ran Italy a couple of times, from May 1996 to October 1998 and then for a spell between May 2006 and May 2008 when the POS was crashed by a virus created by BOS systems admin, Silvio Berlusconi.

The Prodi Operating System (POS), otherwise known as the Polenta Operating System owing to its sloth, was based on the 1970s Real-Time Basic (RTB) operating system. As with most Italian government operating systems, the POS suffered from instances of suspected system file corruption and partitioning issues. No antivirus software was in place which led to the Berlusconi virus causing a major POS crash in 2008. A corrupt POS system file, introduced by Berlusconi, was also allegedly involved in the 2008 system failure.

American observers cruelly used a common and mildly disparaging American slang expression to refer to the POS.

After the initial POS installation, it was back what was little more than a thinly veiled version of the Prodi POS.

The D’Alema DOS

Massimo D’Alema, employing his D’Alema Operating System (DOS), managed to avoid system crashes from October 1998 to April 2000. However, in December 1999, the D’Alema DOS required a restart owing to partitioning issues.

The D’Alema Operating System (DOS), which is not to be confused with the Dini Operating System, was in practice a reinstallation of the Prodi POS, though with some minor, though flawed, modifications created by yacht loving commie system admin D’Alema. In common with the POS, the DOS suffered from excessive sloth and was not renown for its efficiency either.

Next up, the AOS.

The Amato Operating System (AOS)

The Giuliano Amato AOS was little more than an implementation of the D’Alema DOS. Similarly inefficient and outdated, it was destined to a short life and crash. The AOS ran from April 2001 until June 2001.

Then it was back to the inherently corrupt BOS.

Back to the Berlusconi Operating System

Berlusconi returned with his BOS v 1.01. This version of the BOS experienced a minor crash in April 2005 and was replaced by the BOS v. 1.02.

Considering the antiquated nature of the BOS, it did rather well to survive all the way until 2006 – something of a record in terms of operating system longevity in Italy. Rumour has it that huge amounts of cash were expended on system files to keep the BOS running. Eventually, and somewhat inevitably, the BOS crashed again.

The Return of POS

Following the BOS, came a brief return to the by now extremely dated Prodi POS, though it crashed in mid 2008 owing, as you may remember, to a corrupt system file.

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It has since been revealed that the corrupt POS system file had been inserted by BOS system admin Berlusconi.

Back to the BOS, Again

The operating system update that occurred in mid 2008 and that was really a systems downgrade, brought the antiquated and increasingly corrupt Berlusconi Operating System back to Italy’s crash prone hard disk.

This time round though, the performance of BOS was enhanced by the addition of a number of rather attractive personal file servers located at the Arcore Bunga Bunga server farm.

BOS v. 1.025 resisted until November 2011 when something which has come to be known as ‘spread shock’ jilted the BOS hard disk so hard, it crashed and nearly burned. The BOS had been weakened after suffering minor damage after systems admin Berlusconi attempted to install something called “Ruby off Rails”. The Ruby off Rails installation was to prove troublesome for system admin Berlusconi.

In addition to the heartbreaking Ruby incident, widespread system corruption was found to have spread to all partitions occupied by the Berlusconi Operating System.

External consultants did attempt to remove the corruption but were hampered by systems admin Berlusconi who installed the Ghedini Firewall on his server. The GF, a complex and costly to maintain firewall which also doubled as a system file, successfully fended off all attempts to repair the corrupt BOS partitions which, by the definitive November 2011 crash, was almost all of them.

Replacing the BOS came the MOS.

The Monti Operating System (MOS)

Over the top of the BOS, a copy of the MOS operating system was installed and merged with the other operating systems.

At the time, a clean installation was recommended, though the then systems admin Mario Monti, the developer of Monti Operating System, thought he could get away without reformatting or replacing the stuttering hard drive. This was not a smart move, at the MOS soon became unstable as a result of fatal interference from the corrupt BOS partitions which had not been wiped from the hard disk. As systems admins known, clean installations of operating systems are good practice and reformatting hard disks prior to adding a new operating system is always wise.

The Mario Monti MOS, a moderately advanced operating system based on robust UNIX architecture, made quite a promising start but corrupt partition problems, owing the the aforementioned formatting oversight, and merged operating systems, brought about a total systems crash in April 2013.

So great was the April 2013 crash, that it proved difficult to install a suitable new operating system. The first attempt failed miserably nearly causing hard drive destruction.

Saving the day was the installation of multiple operating systems, some of which were merged. A minor update to the Prodi POS shared a partition with the Berlusconi BOS and a subversion of the BOS administered by ex-Berlusconi assistant systems admin, Angelino Alfano.

The Alfano-Berlusconi operating system, or ABOS, was tightly integrated into the BOS and telling the two operating systems apart was not at all easy. Even so, the BOS/ABOS did appear to work quite well with the old POS system, all of which suffered from extensive system file corruption.

Eventually, on the same partition as the BOS/ABOS, a new operating system was installed – the LOS

The Letta Operating System (LOS)

Installed in April 2013, the Enrico Letta Operating system, nicknamed the Dead LOS (DLOS for short) which shares a family connection with the Berlusconi BOS, and is little more than a renamed version of the old, unpopular and dated Prodi POS, did not work too well with the BOS/ABOS and other smaller operating systems. The malfunctioning merged operating systems slowed the hard disk down to an imperceptible crawl.

Merging operating systems is asking for trouble which is why it is rarely, if ever, attempted. Indeed, disaster proved to be just around the corner for the LOS.

In February 2014, and after systems admin Enrico Letta was told his job was safe, the LOS was forcibly overwritten. Its replacement, the BROS, is – it’s still running today – a hybrid operating system running on an uncomfortable combination of Berlusconi Operating System and the new and ever promising Renzi Operating System (BOS + ROS = BROS).

The Berlusconi-Renzi Operating System (BROS)

While the Renzi operating system was marketed by would be systems admin Matteo Renzi as being something completely new, it has turned out to be a hacked corrupted version of a pirated copy of Windows 95. At times the BROS is controlled by direct commands from the BOS – Berlusconi Operating System. At least, owing to its Windows 95 architecture, the BROS runs presentation software and this capability is widely used by upstart systems admin Renzi.

As computer experts like you will be aware, Windows 95 systems were based on DOS, and the Renzi operating system does use many antiquated, corrupt, system files from the now ancient and dysfunctional Prodi and D’Alema operating systems, the POS and DOS.

Surprisingly, although the BROS operating system suffers from inherent corruption and defective system files, so far, it has not crashed. Part of the reason why the BROS is still running is that the NAPOS, an extremely antiquated operating system created by Italian president Giorgio Napolitano, takes control of the BROS whenever crashes appear imminent.

The NAPOS is capable of blocking system crashes and simply won’t let them happen until new installation routines have been compiled by the BROS team. For now, the BROS rolls unsteadily on.

Enter the GOS

Update, some time in 2017: The BROS operating system failed after a major crash brought about by referendum malware. Now the BROS is no more, Italy has the GOS – Gentiloni Operating System.

The GOS is a bit of a mix between the BROS and the LOS. Do not expect system performance to be too high. An election sparking crash may well happen during 2017 although Italy’s election software will need another firmware update before something resembling a stable new operating system appears. It might, but the release date, like the future of Italy, remains totally unknown.

The Technology Upon Which Italy’s Operating Systems Sit

Up until the advent of the BROS, the computer upon which Italy’s operating systems sat was based on a 1.5 Mhz UnIntel processor with around 256 kilobytes of very Random Access Memory. The hard disk was believed to have had a capacity of a 500 kilobytes.

Now, though, the hardware has been upgraded, though not as much as it could have been seeing as it still has to support antiquated operating systems such as the BOS, POS and DOS. Even so, newish systems admin Renzi authorised the purchase from EBay of a stonking Ivory Tower brand PC.

The Ivory Tower PC has an 8 Mhz UnIntel processor with a whopping megabyte of very Random Access Memory. Inside the Ivory Tower PC is a gigantic 1 gigabyte hard disk. This, according to Italy’s system admins, highly advanced system cost Italy’s tax payers a whisker under €50 million – considered to be a bargain (Actually, it cost €50, but the rest was spirited away into various systems admins offshore bank accounts, but don’t tell anyone I told you).

Perhaps you can now understand why Italy finds it so hard to run itself effectively. A completely new operating system is required, as is a new computer and hard disk to ensure the masses of corrupt system files which have built up over the years never interfere with the system again. Ain’t going to happen though.

And the ageing NAPOS could do with replacement as well.

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