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Splitting Italy

Umberto Bossi, the irascible leader of Italy’s Northern League party, does not like Italy.  I get the impression that he’d love to see a form of de-unification, and here’s how he could achieve his dream.

You will have heard of the Suez and the Panama canals, I’m sure, well how about a new addition – the Padana Canal?  This new waterway stroke national boundary would effectively detach Italy’s head from, in Bossi’s eyes, the rest of its troublesome body.  Italy’s brains would thus be kept in the right place.

Where could this new canal be built?

The Padana Canal

I would say that the new Padana Canal could run from around Livorno all the way across Italy from west to east to just above, or below Ancona.  It would be about a mile wide and could, optionally, be fitted with a couple of drawbridges.

These drawbridges could be lowered at the end of July to let those of southern origin head back home for summer, and, perhaps, on Christmas Eve.  Of course, if Bossi chose, he could raise the drawbridges towards the end of August, and thus keep all those southern riff raff from returning to the land of his dreams.

Radar controlled ground to air missile batteries would keep any furbo southerners from trying to sneak into northern Italy by helicopter or small plane, and patrolling battleships would sink any boats attempting to enter Italy’s brain via the sea.  Immigration and mafia problems would be eliminated in one fell swoop.  Not only that, but the southern lackys in Rome would no longer be able to interfere, and meddling by the pesky Vatican would be virtually eliminated too.

Yes, the Padana Canal is the perfect solution to Bossi and, arguably, Italy’s problems.

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Bossi and his cohorts would be such happy men.

Green Passports

Taking this a little further, everyone in northern Italy, after having been thoroughly vetted to ensure they are Bossi fans, would be issued with a new Padania passport.  This new identity document would be in a nice shade of green, which is Bossi and his band’s colour of choice.

Here is how the new Italy would look:

Bossi's New Italy
Bossi's New Italy

Not a bad proposal, eh?  Bossi would love this idea, I’m about 100% certain.  Indeed, it is odd that such a proposal has not been mooted before.

With a few tons of C4, blasting could start tomorrow.  Then, with a little luck, the canal would be open in time for the 2105 (oops! Freudian slip) 2015 Expo in northern Italy’s new capital, Milan.

Bossi could then choose a more appropriate national anthem too: August Aurguments in Italy

Any suggestions as to how to enhance this innovative and ingenious proposal gratefully welcomed.

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