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A List of 10 Ways to Save Berlusconi’s Bacon

An indication of support for Mr B waning - as an Italian for a translation.

To keep Silvio Berlusconi out of court his minions are coming up with a whole host of fun ideas.

Today there was the Berlusconi disciple who proposed introducing a reform to Italy’s justice system which would only apply to the over 65s who had no criminal record.

Reportedly, Italy’s justice minister suggested lowering the legal age for prostitutes to 16, and, of course, applying the law retrospectively.

Placard at Anti-Burlusconi Protest in Milan - ask an Italian for a translation.
Placard at Anti-Berlusconi Protest in Milan - ask an Italian for a translation.

Other novel ideas have included re-introducing a proposal to make wire-tapping more difficult (retrospectively??), as well as a more sophisticated attempt to wrestle the Rubygate case out of the hands of Milan’s judges and prosecutors in order to put the matter to a vote in the Berlusconi controlled Italian parliament.

My, but Berlusconi’s people are loyal, or are exceedingly well paid.

Well, obviously Berlusconi’s chaps could do with a few more suggestions for laws to help keep Silvio out of the clink.

Here is a list of 10:

1. Make prostitution legal from age 13 upwards – retrospectively.

2. Write a new section of Italy’s constitution devoted to Berlusconi and only Berlusconi – the 74 year old party lover who lives alone in a mansion in Arcore on the outskirts of Milan. This new section would allow B to do as he liked – in the national interest. It would be retrospective.

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3. Nominate Berlusconi as King of Italy retrospectively – giving him absolute power. Worked for those Caesar chaps. A minor constitutional change, which could be followed up with a nice tourist attracting coronation ceremony in Milan’s Duomo with Mr Pope doing the crowning.

4. Declare all of Italy’s court houses structurally unsafe for the next 20 years, at the same time making getting planning permission to use other premises as courts a fiendishly difficult process which takes, oh, say 20 years?

5. Sack all of Italy’s judges, prosecutors, and magistrates claiming that money is needed to pay for federalism.

6. Issue a quarantine order against all of Italy’s judges, claiming they’ve all got a seriously infectious, and incurable, disease.  Rampant communismitus or something like that.

7. Nominate Berlusconi’s lawyers as the judges presiding over B’s cases – whilst letting them continue to defend him.

8. Declare Berlusconi temporarily insane retrospectively – but not insane enough to not be able to run a country.

9. Retrospectively increase the annual holiday Italian judges must take to 10,000 days and force them to take leave now, or lose their jobs.

10. Sell, retrospectively, any place Berlusconi has passed time in with a woman to Russia as embassies, so Mr B can claim diplomatic immunity.

Honestly, if Italy’s politicians put half as much effort into solving Italy’s little problems, they’d have the country sorted out in the blink of an eye.

What about you? Any ideas which might inspire the Berlusconi fan club?

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