I’ve never understood quite why, but Italian women do seem to suffer from terrible issues with their intestines. To help deal with these intestinal womanly woes, inventive Italy has several solutions, one of which is a type of yoghurt, but there are others.
The wonder yoghurt promises the return of ‘regularity‘; in other words, after consuming it, women with blockage problems manage to go to the ladies room on time, and regularly. Intestinal panic averted! It seems Italian women monitor their daily ablutions mighty closely.
Keep buying, sorry, eating this super yoghurt, which contains something suitably scientific sounding called ‘bifidus’, for a minimum of 15 days, and those intestinal irritations will be consigned to the past – forever, if not longer. I have met Italian women who claim this amazing yoghurt does as advertised and returns them to effective regularity.
Here’s an ad from Italian television for this miracle yoghurt:
[youtube width=”560″ height=”369″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duwe-9uP5lM[/youtube]
And if the yoghurt does not return one to regularity? Read on!
The Water Solution
Should the effects of the wonder-yoghurt not render those testing female intestinal troubles a thing of the past, there’s always the water solution. Yes, water aids digestion claims an oft shown water ad on Italian TV; only it doesn’t, but don’t tell Italians who seem to be more or less convinced it does. But water in Italy only aids digestion (thus potentially encouraging the return of regularity) when it is at the right temperature.
Italians fear, both women and men, water which is too cold. Drink icy water too fast (it must be sipped, as must all cold drinks in Italy) and one can end up with something known as ‘congestione‘ and it can be fatal! Yes, ice cold water (and other freezing cold drinks) can kill you in Italy, or so goes the rumour. I have, I’ll admit, drunk ice cold drinks in Italy and lived to tell the tale – I am not Italian though. To aid Italian digestion, the water consumed may be cold but not near the point of becoming ice, or else. Well, at least those regularity troubles will cease to be bothersome.
Alas, the combination of special yoghurt and, safely, chilled water may not always return Italian women to the required state of regularity. Enter the next remedy: the digestivo.
The Digestivo Solution
Stop reading, start speaking
Stop translating in your head and start speaking Italian for real with the only audio course that prompt you to speak.
A digestivo is an Italian drink, usually not short of alcohol, which can help one digest, or so go the rumours. There are quite a number of digestion aiding digestivo drinks in Italy though generally, I’ve noticed after many years here, women don’t tend to drink them. This could explain why Italy’s women suffer so much from troubled intestines. Please note that I’m not a physician.
Should the digestivo not settle troubled female intestines, there’s one other thing which can be tried. It fizzes.
Bring on the Brioschi!
Troubled intestines which prove stubbornly resistant to all the previously mentioned remedies, may benefit from a dose of Brioschi. Of what?!
Brioschi, which often comes in jars, is white stuff (can also be pink or yellow, I believe) that looks not unlike chopped up worms. Add the small chopped worms to water and they fizz satisfyingly. Drink the fizzy brew down while it’s still doing its fizzing thing and your digestion will work afresh. Guaranteed, almost. There’s always the nuclear solution to attaining the return of regularity.
The Quadruple Intestine Rectifying Whammy
Really though, Italy’s women who suffer from troubled intestines should go for the quadruple intestine rectifying whammy: gallons of water followed by several pots of special yoghurt, then a few drams of a good digestivo drinks and, finally, a good sized glass of fizzing Brisochi (served in water which is not too cold, please). If that combination does not unblock them and return their irritated intestines to complete and utter regularity, then they really ought to go see a doctor. Actually, after consuming that combination, they may need to see a doctor, if not a surgeon!
Do you suffer from troubled intestines? Are you a women? If your answer to both questions is ‘Yes’, then please do share your regularity returning remedy with us. Thank you in advance.
P.S. Italy’s digestivo drinks make rather pleasant tipples, regardless of their alleged ability to assist one’s digestion and thus, regularity.
P.P.S. I suspect, strongly, that there are other regularity-returning digestion-aiding solutions in Italy.
P.P.P.S. After many years in Italy, I learned that kiwi fruit can help one go. However, and alas, the kiwi solution does not necessarily return one to regularity. Sorry.