untitled design (1)

Learn Italian online


Essential Rules for Berlusconi’s Titilating Primaries

Elisabetta Canalis

After the hammering it received in recent local elections, Silvio Berlusconi has ordered a major re-jigging of his party. He’s even considering using primary elections to help select a few new faces. People who’ll be more attractive to Italy’s voters.

From what I’ve read, Berlusconi will not be putting himself forward as a primary candidate for reasons unknown. Not.

Part of the reason why Berlusconi’s PdL lot were recently beaten by the smelly, stupid, as he tends to put it, commies, is that Italy’s left-leaning PD party has been using primaries to help select its candidates. The new Mayor of Milan, Giuliano Pisapia is the product of one such primary and has proved to be a popular choice.

Well, primaries need rules, and so to give the inimitable Berlusconi a helping hand, here are some primary election rules he might like…. er, to adopt to help his rumoured new party select more appealing candidates.

Essential Selection Rules for Primaries in Italy

1. 36 – 26 – 36

2. 38 – 24 – 32

3. 40 – 26 – 36

4. 50 – 26 – 34

5. 32 – 22 -28

6. Brunette (or Blonde)

7. Italian, but not smelly

8. Primarily female

think in italian logo dark bg 1

Stop reading, start speaking

Stop translating in your head and start speaking Italian for real with the only audio course that prompt you to speak.

9. Ex-Miss Italy or Miss Sicily or Miss Padania

10. Sociable – being a party animal helps

There, with a titillating party like that, Berlusconi will never lose again, I’m certain. Such an attractive party would surely change the face of Italian politics forever, and keep abreast of the commie competition too.

Of course, a televised talent show prior to the primary, called, maybe, B-Factor, could be held too. Viewers could elect their favourite candidates on the spot.

New Party Names

Elisabetta Canalis
Elisabetta Canalis - Italy's New Finance Minister?

A new party needs a snappy new name – not something Italian politicians are that good at coming up with, I have to say.

In the past in Italy there’s been: the Daisy party, the Olive and the Go Italy parties.  There is talk of resurrecting the Olive party, heaven forbid.  The name is 100% naff.

At the moment there is the Fli (sounds like ‘flee’), then there’s an odd bunch who call themselves ‘i responsabili’ which tends to sound like ‘irresponsible’ when mentioned here on the news.

Anyway, enough griping about the old and funny names.

Out with the old and in with the new.

How about the Amazons of Freedom Party? Or, the Glamorous Gals Party. Maybe the Good Girls Party. Or perhaps the Tempestuous Italian Triumphal Socialists party?

OK, so a few of the chaps may be a little put out, but hey, it’s the men in Italy who take all the decisions, and all Italian men, just about, will vote for a pretty Italian woman.

Perhaps the delectable Canalis might consider some position or other in the primaries? I understand she’s on the point of splitting up with the debonair George Clooney.

If you have any more, moderately polite, suggestions for rules and names for Berlusconi’s new primary driven party, please leave them in a comment below.

Most Popular

I is getting on.

Tomorrow I will be 40. I am about to leave my 30s behind forever. It’s a strange thought.

To PEC or Not To PEC

Although I may sound from the title of this post that I’m about to talk about birds, this is not the case, no. PEC stands for ‘Posta Elettronica Certificata’, which is the Italian for ‘certified electronic mail’.


Related Posts

Italian Music – Motel Connection

Italian band Motel Connection has been around since 2000 and is still going strong and is still producing some of the best Italian music you are

Our Italian ID Card Epic

Tomorrow, my Italian other half, our son, and myself, have to get up early to go through the ten minute process in Milan, Italy of