As anyone in Italy, whose name begins with ‘Ber’ and finishes with ‘oni’ knows, Italy’s judges are a bunch of baby chomping commies.
These so-called upholders of the law have the cheek to call an innocent little present of the modest sum of around half a million dollars, a bribe, and, even worse, they are heinously insinuating that the kind person who offered this insignificant little gift, is corrupt! How dare they, the blighters.
Understandably Italy’s lover of beautiful women, generous gifts and power, is mightily miffed once more. He is so annoyed by Italy’s judges’ conviction that an English lawyer, one David Mills was bribed, that he is threatening to do all sorts of great stuff, including reducing Italy’s abundantly overcrowded, and pretty ineffective, parliament to a mere one hundred members. What a wonderful idea. This move, which may have a minor effect on that irritatingly insignificant concept which goes by the name of democracy, will save Italy an absolute fortune! Bye, bye crisis!
But why stop at the judiciary, when other irritating and utterly unnecessary, plus horribly expensive, organisations could simply vanish overnight? You know, those people in funny uniforms who have nothing better to do than to listen in on other people’s present giving discussions, and arrest the innocent.
More Berlusconi Inspired Reforms, possibly
And, while Berlusconi is going about his extreme little reforms, he might as well have ‘bribery’ de-criminalised, and encourage everyone in Italy to offer presents to one another. A fabulous idea. Not corruption, but simply gift giving. So considerate.
Actually, why bother with something as daft as a parliament, with Berlusconi at the helm, Italy needs nobody else. And how about abolishing Italy’s judiciary, while he is at it? That would be simply wonderful. Think of the savings. And fewer babies would be eaten too. Talk about save the children.
And who needs dastardly people like policemen? As I intimated previously, all they damn well do is listen in on other peoples’ telephone conversations. Now that is just plain nosey, as I am sure you will agree.
Stop reading, start speaking
Stop translating in your head and start speaking Italian for real with the only audio course that prompt you to speak.
Just think how much money Italy would save if the Carabinieri and Police ceased to exist. Add this to the savings created by reducing Italy’s parliament to one, and by eliminating all those baby consuming red flag waving judges, and an end to Italy’s economic problems would be assured. And that is not all.
Italy’s anarchists would be overjoyed, as would the ‘managers’ of those business operations which begin with ‘maf’ and end with ‘ia’.
All Italy’s furiously flustered prime minister needs to do is to instruct a certain justice minister, the guy who introduced is nice little law to ensure that the smelly communist engineered Mills affair did not tarnish his boss’ image, to introduce a boatload of new reforms.
Here are a few ideas to get the B man started.:
- Cameras – ban them all, is what I say. People don’t need the things. They’ve got eyes, for heaven’s sake. And cameras encourage those pesky paparazzi people, too.
- Newspapers – rub them out. Nobody reads the things in Italy anyway, and when they do, they read the wrong stuff, get the wrong idea, and cause messy things like divorces. Don’t need journalists either – trouble stirrers, no more, no less, and they are undoubtedly all commies who pickle babies before tucking in to their nightly repasts.
- Television News – simply an annoyance. Much better to have half an hour of adverts. So much more productive.
- Internet – make it into a huge football and pornography dominated network. That would keep the population happy. And as for those darn bloggers, well, they should be shot, or worse. I mean, all they do is spread malicious rumours.
- Phone tapping – just an excuse for pure nosiness. Ban it. Although with no forces of law and order, such nosiness would be eliminated. Privacy assured!
- Taxes – eliminate them. Nobody bothers paying them in Italy anyway, and what with the police, and judges in retirement, and parliament reduced to one, Italy would not need to bother with something as useless as tax income.
- Education – who needs it? It does not help you get a job in Italy, unless you know the ‘right’ people. Everyone knows this here.
- Health care – utterly useless. I mean if you can’t stay healthy on your own, well, you don’t really deserve a place on this planet, let alone in Italy.
- Tourists – don’t allow them in. They cost Italy a fortune with all their whining over things like that smelly old city Venice which is sinking into the mud, and they cause poor Italians to bother to have to learn totally useless foreign languages, like English. Italians only need Italian. Full stop.
- Venice – let this stinking city sink into the mud, and then build a flash new, and much more profitable, Grand Canal shopping centre over the top.
There, with all those reforms, Italy will become a much, much, better place. Now, can I have a nice gift??
Source: My, warped, imagination.
Clown picture from Wikipedia.