Well, Silvio Berlusconi is back. His tanned presence is scaring everybody witless, but he’s going to do his level best to install himself as Italy’s prime minister once again. What will he promise to achieve this?
Here are some guesses regarding the soon to be made public Berlusconi PdL party election manifesto:
1. Reform Italy’s legal system! Not so much because it is necessary (and it is), but so he can keep all those pesky magistrates from delving into his shadowy affairs. You might have heard this electoral promise from the tanned one before 😉
2. Tax cuts for one and all, and their dogs! Another oft repeated classic Berlusconi war cry, like legal system reform. Only he never manages to get the calculations quite right, ask ex-finance minister Tremonti, and is unable to understand that Italy cannot afford tax cuts. If tax cuts were to happen, sales of big cars to politicians would tumble.
3. Leave Europe! Italy does not need Europe. Merkel heads the evil empire known as Germany and Europe is run by anti-Italy commies. Time for Italy to dump that annoying Treaty of Rome, and invade Germany, perhaps.
4. Bunga bunga training schools for girls or all ages throughout Italy. Who needs research and development or innovation when you can bunga bunga?! Bunga bunga girls can earn up to €2,500 a night, tax free!
5. Nuclear power plants for all! Italy will have nuclear power all over the place in no time at all. Everyone will emit a warm glow of happiness, literally. Safety precautions are for Eurocrats!
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6. Build, build, build. First off, a new bridge from Italy to Sardinia. Tasteless holiday resorts will spring up everywhere too.
7. Gamble, gamble, gamble! Casinos everywhere. Slot machines in supermarkets, and, why not, schools too! A minister for gambling operations will be appointed.
8. Brothels for the people! And one very large one will be built in Rome within easy reach of Italy’s parliament. The Colosseum and Pompeii will become the world’s biggest brothels stroke casinos.
9. Berlusconivision in every Italian home! More mind-numbing, brainwave altering quiz-shows than ever before! Everything will show Berlusconi and his mob in shining rose-tinted light.
10. Pre-pensions for the under 25s! Handouts funded by profits from state gambling and brothel operations. This will keep the youth of Italy from complaining about not having any future.
Millions of votes for Berlusconi guaranteed!
Would you care to add anything else? I’m certain you can add a few more vote getters to this inspiring list.