Living in Italy. Today, I had a chat with someone who has spent 25 years in the Living Museum, and although you might expect someone who has been here so long to be used to Italy’s oft unruly ways, it sounds as though this person still becomes frustrated at the disorganisation of the place. Maybe I do not need to mention it, but this person comes from an Anglo-Saxon culture and, it appears that some people from such cultures find the Italian way of life something of a challenge. The person I mentioned above is not alone, and I’m not just talking about long-stay ex-pats. I know of Italians who have spent time in the US and the UK and either never want to return here, or long to return to the perceived ‘normality’ of Anglo-Saxon cultures.
Yet the Living Museum remains an attractive place to live for many. The sheer beauty of the place is intoxicating and this alone can justify making your life here. Other things that can smooth the way considerably are having a well stocked bank account and/or an armful of patience. If you can leave Italians to deal with the bureaucratic stuff; there are agencies that make a nice living doing all the silly bureaucratic bits and bobs which need to be done here; you can live exceptionally well.
On the other hand, if you end up having too many run-ins with the disorganised aspects of the place, you may well end up running away. I know too that there are ex-pats who would never dream of getting together with an Italian girl or boy, which is probably quite wise. In fact, I know quite a few stories of Italo-foreigner relationships that have gone completely pear shaped, mainly as a result of differences related to the way Italians and others run their lives.
Personally, I feel that I have only really encountered some of the more idiosyncratic aspects of Italian culture after having had a child here. Up until then the cultural differences where pretty minor and utterly bearable. Since the arrival of my son, however, cultural differences have made the road rather rocky at times. Although I should say that I am no angel and some, er, difficult aspects of my own sweet character have not done me too many favours. Mix that with someone who was once told by his boss that he hated compromising and you have a recipe for a windy (wiggly) and bumpy path at times.
Happily, I also know of some Italo-foreigner relationships which have worked out and the old adage ‘love conquers all’ does seem to have played a part in this. ‘Give and take’ is necessary in most relationships, but in mixed cultural ones, particularly where one side does not always appreciate the ways of the other, the level of give and take can become unbalanced and lead to almost inevitable fractures.
Unless you are highly resilient, adaptable and exceptionally broad minded, I would advise Anglo-Saxon types to be wary of getting together with those from the Living Museum. Life could become a nightmare, or paradise on Earth.
Go on, choose that straw…
Article continues after the advertisement
About Alex Roe
Italy Chronicles Feed
Unless we first surrender to our own humanity and the frailties that go with it, we cannot expect to succeed in our relationships.
I have noticed those that have bridged gaps have somewhere along the line made a personal sacrifice of sorts.
without a doubt, such a sacrifice is something within the culture that they blossomed in and having paid the price, go on to cross the river an find what they were looking for.
but this is just one old fools opinion….
pazz.
“Unless we first surrender to our own humanity and the frailties that go with it, we cannot expect to succeed in our relationships.”
A wonderful way of putting it, Pazz.
Regarding the bridging of gaps, this is something I could be better at, and the bridge is built faster if construction happens from both sides.
Basically, the only way you ever get anything out of a relationship is to work at it, which is what I think you are saying.
And Pazz, you may be old, but you ain’t no fool
Ah so we HAVE met! ;o)
As I peruse your blog, I keep happening upon so many interesting articles!
Well, just to add my own 2cents, I can tell you that I am a person from an Anglo-Saxon country (if you can call New York Anglo-Saxon), that I’m about to celebrate my 28th year of togetherness with my Italian Other Half, and that we have spent much of not most of that time living in what you call the Living Museum. I would simply call it the Museum – I’m not so sure about the living part.
One of our favorite parlor games is “Name One Think You Unconditionally LOVE About Living In Italy” – it’s really a great way to while away the long winter nights since it’s SUCH a brain-cracker. So far we’ve come up with 1) art and 2) lighting and furniture design. That’s about it. The thing that makes this game such a challenge is the “unconditional” part. I used to love the food, but ever since we entered the EU and became part of the Common Mishmash, quality has gone down the tubes as has variety and availability, while prices have gone through the roof. I also used to love the mythical friendliness and courtesy of the Italians. If that was ever true, it’s become another item on the display in The Museum.
Of course, it’s not a hate-hate thing. C’e’ di peggio. And of course, it would help if we didn’t live in this backwater podunk area, famous for it’s lack of imagination. But given the alternatives… c’e’ di peggio.
Cavolo Gege’ Bau, you have been digging around. Glad to hear that you are coming across some interesting stuff.
However, I think I detect a certain level of cynicism arising, no doubt from your experiences here.
You are by no means alone in this, as this post demonstrates. I too, at times, have found Italy to be a frustrating place to deal with, but I still like it. I try to look on the bright side and I also happen, through my work, to come across lots of young Italians every year, and I continue to meet a lot of people I like. This comment probably comes across as being rather arrogant, but it’s the truth.
As for finding things about Italy to like, I still find the variety of food wonderful, and I still have not got to know Italian wine as well as I want. Then there is the feature which really keeps me here – the sheer beauty of the land. I’m a country boy, and I do love the peace, tranquility and beauty of the countryside here, be it mountains or wherever.
I would dearly love to retire to a nice isolated country spot here, whereas I really don’t have any urge to retire to the UK.
Next on the Italian menu is the climate, which I love. ‘Real’ summers and winters are a source of constant joy to me.
I think, however, that someone, like you, who knows the States, may find fewer things of interest here to someone, like me, who comes from that small and crowded island known as the UK.
As you say, ‘c’e’ di peggio’. A question: If you could choose any country in the world to live, where would you head for?
To survive in Italy for us Anglo-Saxon types (and yes NY is Anglo-Saxon, at least I would say it is from what you’ve been writing)living in Italy is a bit like playing a kind of huge board game, only you know that the rules are made up as the game progresses – you either adapt, or stop throwing the dice.
Ah, isn’t life stimulating here….
Kindest regards,
Alex
Cynic? ME???
I don’t find your comment arrogant. You’re honest. Refreshingly so!
If I were to choose a country in the world to live? New York City. It’s not a country (though we NooYawkas often think it is), but it meets all my requirements. It’s a big, gorgeous, vital, stimulating, challenging city made up of every type of person you could find on earth. A place you can really sink your teeth into! It’s located by the ocean and is at the mouth of one of the most stunning rivers in the world, the Hudson whose valley runs 100 miles through some of the most breathtaking scenery you’ll ever want to see. It has four real seasons. It’s not a living museum – it’s ALIVE.
That said, Italy is indeed a beautiful country and it’s climate is enticing – especially further south. In fact, I find that many things are more enticing the further south you go.
Anyway, I think Italy finds itself at a crossroads now. It realizes that it is being left behind in many respects by its more progressive neighbors in the EU, yet it hasn’t the humility to admit it and, so, is stalled.
Q: What is the most commonly heard question when people learn you are a foreigner here? A: Non e’ bella l’Italia?
If I had a nickel for every time I was asked to reaffirm the Italian’s self-esteem over the last 27 years, I’d be a rich man. “Isn’t our food the best in the world?” “Isn’t our wine the sweetest?” “Aren’t our women the most beautiful?” “Isn’t our sea the most calm and blue?”
There’s a reason why people need to be reassured so much and so often by their foreign visitors. If they could figure out what it is, they might just be able to get over the hurdle that’s holding them back from really becoming The Best.